Notes taken from the book: When the sheep leave the sheep pen, they march out in an order they will keep the whole day. But sometimes the sheep wander away from the path. Some will walk away from the shepherd and he, in turn, will go after the one. Other times, the sheep will walk toward the shepherd, looking for a touch, a whisper, and a way back to the fold. The shepherd guides the anxious fellow back to the path for his day.
Mother wrote in the margins: Rapha-- healer.
Protected by God with giant and Saul.
Psalm 32 & 51.
Mother is referencing David's affair with Bathsheba. David had walked away from God and was wounded in his soul in the process.
My notes: When David sinned with Bathsheba, and after he was caught, he ran to God and begged for restoration. But sometimes it is not our sin that drives us off the path, it's life. Living holds all sorts of elements that will suck all life from our lungs.
And life is air.
Air is life.
Impossible to breathe moments.
Without the ability to inhale fully, we are left without enough oxygen to sustain life. We cannot go forward on the path because we are nearly lifeless.
When God breathed air into Adam's nostrils, he (Adam) became alive. Fully alive. Awakened to all there was around him. Blinking in the bright life of the Father's presence, he stared then into the face of his Creator.
Life, for Adam, was new and full of possibilities.
When Adam sinned, he was driven away from the Garden. But he was not driven away from God. God, his Shepherd, never turned his back on Adam. God continued to love and guide him, throughout all his joys, throughout all his sorrows.
When life sucked the air out of Adam, God was walking alongside him, waiting for this one sheep to come over for a touch, a whisper, a nudge.
Holding Mother as she had her first hemorrhage was a life-sucking event. The look in her eyes--the lack of life within them--haunts me still. The immediate knowledge that this was more than being sick to her stomach and a headache.
Seeing her second seizure.
Her head shaved.
Studying the symptoms online to gain better understanding of her illness.
Listening while doctors and nurses gave the news, always bad...never good.
Letting her go...
Her release of life was my release of life. But the Shepherd stands close by. I can choose to walk away from him or toward him...
...For a touch.